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Post by dancingwind on Oct 21, 2005 6:34:30 GMT
Spiritual Jokes
"I think it would be a good idea." - Mahatma Gandhi when asked what he thought of Western civilization.
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 22, 2005 4:53:15 GMT
JONAH AND THE WHALE
A little girl was reading on an airplane when the man beside her noticed her storybook, entitled "Jonah and the Whale." The man thought he would see if the little girl believed the story about Jonah. So, after saying Hi to the girl he asked her to tell him about the book she was holding. The girl said the book was about Jonah, and how he was swallowed by a whale. The man asked: "Do you believe that really happened?" The little girl replied, "Yes, I believe the story of Jonah is true." You mean you really believe that a man can be swallowed up by a big whale, stay inside him all that time, and come out of there still alive and okay? She said, "Absolutely -- this story is in the Bible and we studied it in Sunday school today!" Then the man asked, "How can you prove that the story about Jonah is true?" She thought for a moment, and then said, "When I get to Heaven I'll ask Jonah." The man then asked, "What if Jonah's NOT in Heaven?" She put her hands on her little waist, and sternly said: "Then I guess YOU can ask him!"
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Post by stef on Oct 22, 2005 10:28:56 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D love stef
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 22, 2005 11:14:45 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D love stef
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 22, 2005 18:32:28 GMT
Post Office and God
A little boy was upset with his parents' financial situation, so he decided to write God a letter:
Dear God,
My mommy and daddy need $500 for bills and I don't know who else to ask. Could You please help?
Johnny
The letter was received by the local post office and put in the "dead" letters pile. The clerk, being curious of the letter addressed to God, opened to see what it said. As you can imagine, he was touched by the letter and decided to help. He asked all his fellow workers to "chip-in" a few dollars to help a family in need. When all the money was collected, it came to $300. The clerk sent a money order in an official Post Office envelope with the return address simply: God.
Several weeks later the same clerk found another letter addressed to God in the same writing. The letter said:
Dear God,
Thank you for the $300, but next time don't use the Post Office, they have a $200 service charge.
Johnny
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 22, 2005 18:37:16 GMT
ACTUAL PRAYERS HEARD BY OTHERS *****************************
Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:45-23am, est
God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hyper-sensitive.
God , help me to take action for my actions, even though they're usually Not My Fault.
God help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if you need some help, please feel free to ask me.
Lord help me be more laid back, and help me to do it exactly right.
God, help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, dancing, and having a good time.
God, give me patience, and I mean right now!!!
God, help me not to be a perfectionist.(Did I spell that correctly?)
God, help me to finish everything I start.
God, help me to keep my mind on one thing at a ti-Look, a bird--where was I?
God help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writting?
Lord, keep me open to others ideas, WRONG though they might be.
Lord, help me to be less independant, but let me do it my way.
Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.
Lord, help me to slow down, and not rushthroughwhatIdo.
Amen
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 24, 2005 5:54:17 GMT
If God is not the answer, what was the question?
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Post by reikirmt on Oct 30, 2005 5:57:13 GMT
Brigitte
No true er words were spoken!!
That is why we have plans b, c, d etc. etc.
Trish
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 30, 2005 6:09:25 GMT
Brigitte No true er words were spoken!! That is why we have plans b, c, d etc. etc. Trish Dear Trish! DonĀ“t take it too seriously....... ;D these are only Jokes love, Brigitte
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Post by dancingwind on Nov 1, 2005 18:33:29 GMT
Saved By Buddha Nature
A Buddhist and a Hindu went skydiving together. As they prepared to jump, the Buddhist said, "If anything should go wrong--"
"Nothing will go wrong," said the Hindu. "But if it does, God will save me."
"Not a chance," the Buddhist said, "Because there IS no God. There is only your Essential Buddha Nature." The Hindu scoffed at this.
The pair leaped out of the plane. Halfway down, they discovered that their parachutes wouldn't open."My God!" screamed the Hindu. "Save me!" But he continued to plummet.
Just then he heard the Buddhist say, "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature." Immediately, a giant hand came out of nowhere, cradled the Buddhist in its palm and gently began lowering him to earth.
The terrified Hindu too cried out, "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature!" With that, another giant hand appeared, cradled the Hindu in its palm and gently lowered him to earth.
"Whew! That was a close one!" said the Hindu, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Thank God!" whereupon the giant hand turned over.
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Post by dancingwind on Nov 1, 2005 18:34:30 GMT
Good Question!
And Moses looked upon the Lord and said:
"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"
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Post by dancingwind on Nov 1, 2005 18:35:32 GMT
Working With God
A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place -- the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"
"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
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Post by dancingwind on Nov 1, 2005 18:36:35 GMT
It Will Pass
A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep. It's just horrible!"
"It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!"
"It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.
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Post by dancingwind on Nov 1, 2005 18:37:19 GMT
Confucius Say ...
Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"
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Post by dancingwind on Nov 1, 2005 18:38:04 GMT
Guardian Angel on the Job
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, and a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
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