Post by imogen on Mar 7, 2009 14:43:40 GMT
I heard this on the radio yesterday and thought it was very funny...
So I thought I'd share it. Hope you like it too
A mental health institue's answer phone service *joke*
A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at a mental health institute
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All our operators are too
busy to talk to you."
So I thought I'd share it. Hope you like it too
A mental health institue's answer phone service *joke*
A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at a mental health institute
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All our operators are too
busy to talk to you."
