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Post by Ole on Feb 8, 2006 21:44:26 GMT
A priest and a bus driver arrive at the gates of heaven at the same time.
St. Peter allows the bus driver to go straight in, but the priest is asked to wait.
After a very long wait, the priest asks St. Peter "Why did that bus driver go straight to the heaven, yet I, who all my life have spoken about God, have to wait for such a long time?"
St. Peter replied, "When you were speaking to the people at your church everybody was sleeping, but when that bus driver was driving everybody prayed!"
Love ;D ;D ;D Ole
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Post by stef on Feb 8, 2006 21:54:49 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Nice one ole love stef
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Post by saisri on Feb 8, 2006 21:56:29 GMT
Good one Ole, this is already somewhere in the forum, if i remember rite ;D ;D
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Post by stef on Feb 26, 2006 15:37:28 GMT
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.
"I see. And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot."
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Post by Ole on Feb 26, 2006 15:47:25 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D Good one ;D ;D
Love Ole ;D ;D
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Post by stef on Feb 27, 2006 1:47:48 GMT
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods and talking to himself. What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a nine foot grizzly bear charging toward him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the bear closing in on him. He tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, he saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest turned silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you now expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. The bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen."
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Post by stef on Feb 28, 2006 1:10:04 GMT
This was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser with it.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, " I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket. I'm taking it to the afterlife with me." He got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
After he died and was laid out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, with her friend sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, and she put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied. "Listen, I'm a Catholic, I can't go back on my word. I promised him I would, and I did."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
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Post by Ole on Feb 28, 2006 17:18:26 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good ;Done ;D
Love Ole
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Post by Ole on Feb 28, 2006 19:10:19 GMT
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
Love Ole
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Post by stef on Feb 28, 2006 19:33:48 GMT
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Post by stef on Mar 4, 2006 21:06:58 GMT
A Nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: "If that car starts, I'll be a church-goer for the rest of my life!"
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Post by Ole on Mar 4, 2006 22:04:37 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Love Ole
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Post by stef on Mar 5, 2006 2:16:49 GMT
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
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Post by stef on Mar 9, 2006 12:22:36 GMT
A little boy walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, he made his daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning.
His mother, concerned that her son would be frightened as he walked home, quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little boy walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly and with each the little boy would look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she asked "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping and smiling?"
The child answered, "I want to look nice. God keeps taking my picture"!
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by stef on Mar 12, 2006 17:59:44 GMT
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that? " Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
;D ;D ;D ;D
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