Coping with people you dislike

[ruth]

Divergent Directions
Coping with People You Dislike

As much as most of us wish we could exist in harmony with the people we encounter throughout our lives, there will always be individuals we dislike. Some simply rub us the wrong way while others strike us as deliberately unaware. We may judge others as too mean or abrasive for us to interact with them comfortably. Yet no person should be deemed a villain because their beliefs, opinions, mannerisms, and mode of being are not compatible with your own. You need not embrace the rough traits they have chosen to embody. There may be times in which the best course of action involves distancing yourself from someone you dislike. But circumstances may require that you spend time in the company of individuals who awaken your aversion. In such cases, you can ease your discomfort by showing your foe loving compassion while examining your feelings carefully.

The reasons we dislike some individuals are often complex and, at first, indecipherable. Often, we are automatically averse to people who are different because they compel us to question our values, spirituality, culture, and ideologies, threatening to undermine our self-assurance. Realistically, however, those you dislike have no power to weaken your life’s foundations. In fact, your aversion to specific individuals may actually be your response to your fear that specific qualities you see in them also exist within you. Their presence may force you to face internal issues you would rather not confront. If you meet someone who inspired an intense, largely negative response in you, ask yourself why your reaction is so laden with powerful emotions. Remember that you control your feelings and, if necessary, you can minimize this individual’s impact on your well-being by choosing how you will respond to them.

Though you may not have an immediate breakthrough, your willingness to consider your dislike rationally can help you better understand the root of your feelings. Your aversion to certain individuals may not wane over time, yet the comprehension you gain through reflection can help you interact with them sympathetically, benevolently, and with a greater degree of kindness. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that you are incompatible with some people. You may never achieve a shared harmony with those you dislike, but you can nonetheless learn to modulate your reactions to these individuals and, ultimately, to coexist peacefully with them.

daily om

[Suzie]

After seeing this post I made a rather large rant about someone I work with. I explained how I simply can't get along with her for various reasons. After a few hours reflecting I have deleted what I previously wrote. I am not sure if anyone read it but if you did you aren't crazy...............I deleted it ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[unicorn]

Well.....Suzie, I read your post but I didn't have time to replay earlier and probably shouldn't since you delete it but I must say that it made me laugh hard. I had to deal for about 12 years at work with someone with two daughters -a good one and a bad one- and that bother me a lot among with many other things. For years I wouldn't say anything, until I met the "bad" one, a beautiful, shy and somewhat scared little girl. From that day on, every time she started saying anything about the daughters I would say how lovable and cute and good nature the "bad" one is and how blessed she is to have her. After a while she stopped talking about that.
I could go on and say more about her or other people I occasionaly dislike, mostly at work, since we are stuck with them, but I don't think it is worth the time or the energy.
What I have learned from these people is to be patient, stronger and more appreciative for my self and the qualities that, me, as a person have. Sometimes I see in them something not so good that I have too, and then i realize how bad it is and I try to correct it. And I do correct it in my self even though I cannot chance them or my disliking feelings toward them. That I haven't achieve yet.
Love, Unicorn

[unicorn]

A quick explanation: I didn't laugh at your post but at the coincidence of going through the same experience.

[Suzie]

Thanks for being kind with my rant, I saw the post and I had a field day ;D ;D ;D

I actually told my co-worker awhile back that I couldn't listen to it anymore because it stressed me out so much. It worked for a little while

I know that I am not the only one that goes through stuff like this and your post is another reminder that I am not alone, thank you

I don't mind that you laughed, even if it would have been over my rant......we all need to laugh ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Thank you Unicorn

[unicorn]

You are welcome Suzie. Weeell....I forgot -maybe because it is little hard to admit- to say that sometimes , I dislike someone just because I like them or admire them without realizing at first. Like this much younger woman, young enough to be my daughter, that I didn't like some time ago. She was full of life, a free spirit and had dreams for a better tomorrow. After a long talk with my self I found that the reason I dislike her was because she reminded me of my self in a much younger age, before all the problems and dramas I went through that took away these qualities from me. I am still recovering and try to find my self.
Or that other ambitious person I disliked, while I was stuck in a dead end job.
As Ruth said: " their presence may force you to face internal issues you would rather not confront. " It is like these people gave me the wake up call.
We don't like certain people but there is a reason they are in our life but sometimes it is difficult to see that reason. One think is for sure: some day we will be thankful for their presence in our lives.

And a big thank you to Ruth who gave as the opportunity for some talk and inner reflection. We appreciate ALL the wonderful posts even if we don't take the time to say so....

Love to all, Unicorn.

[Suzie]

In my old age of 32 ;D I've found that I can get along with most people unless they have qualities that I do not think highly of. Liars for example, can't stand to be around them. If I do have to be around them I take everything they say with a grain of salt. I always tell the truth, even so much so that if I am saying something and I think a detail might be wrong I say so. They say Gemini's are liars/fibbers but I am proving them wrong ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D This problem probably stems from an incident when I was a child and was accused of lying when I wasn't........maybe I should seek counseling ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Well said about Ruth's posts

[ruth]

You are all not alone, I too struggle with several co workers.

These are great reminders on how important WE are, rather than the situation the others present.


love
ruth