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Post by dancingwind on Sept 24, 2005 3:01:08 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
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Post by dancingwind on Sept 25, 2005 7:23:40 GMT
Spiritual Jokes
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by dancingwind on Sept 28, 2005 6:11:39 GMT
Spiritual Jokes I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen." ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by stef on Sept 28, 2005 12:16:52 GMT
Spiritual Jokes I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen." ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D love stef
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Post by dancingwind on Sept 28, 2005 12:31:01 GMT
Spiritual Jokes I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen." ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D love stef I know for sure that you would like it.. ;D ;D love, Brigitte
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Post by dancingwind on Sept 30, 2005 6:29:47 GMT
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
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Post by stef on Sept 30, 2005 12:26:36 GMT
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." Hi Brigitte That's a good one ;D ;D ;D love stef
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 1, 2005 5:12:14 GMT
God and Moses ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Excuse me, sir."
"Is that you again, Moses?"
"I'm afraid it is, sir."
"What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?"
"How did you guess?"
"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. I forgot."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But you already know. Remember?"
"Moses!"
"Sorry, sir."
"Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!"
"Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten things you sent me?"
"You mean the Commandments, Moses?"
"That's it. I was wondering if they were important."
"What do you mean 'were important, Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you."
"Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog at e them, but of course you would see right through that."
"What do you mean 'you lost them! Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?"
"No, sir. I forgot."
"You should always save, Moses."
"Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though."
"And did you hear back from any of them?"
"You already know I did."
"What about the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not'. Can he change the words a little bit?"
"Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions, or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that."
"I think tha t means, 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"
"I think that is spamming, Moses."
"Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."
"And what he did say?"
"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten things, do you?"
"They're called viruses, Moses."
"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them."
"We'll do it the new way, Moses."
"I was afraid you would say that, sir."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"
"No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
"No, Moses."
"One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
"I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?"
"Say good night, Moses."
"Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and 'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'
"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound?"
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 2, 2005 6:47:48 GMT
Astrological Prayers ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Aries Dear God, please give me patience... and could you do it right now? Taurus Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick. Gemini Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God? Cancer Dear God!!! Leo Yes? Virgo Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time. Libra Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best? ( ;D ) Scorpio Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don't deserve it! Sagittarius Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating. Capricorn Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else! Aquarius Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridi culous!! Pisces Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.
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Post by stef on Oct 2, 2005 12:50:58 GMT
Astrological Prayers ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Capricorn Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else! Hi Brigitte That's true love stef
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 2, 2005 12:55:57 GMT
Astrological Prayers ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Capricorn Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else! Hi Brigitte That's true love stef Dear Stef! This below too. Libra Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best? ( ) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D love, Brigitte
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 4, 2005 7:34:16 GMT
Spiritual Jokes ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace". God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peace."
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Post by stef on Oct 4, 2005 14:23:43 GMT
Spiritual Jokes ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace". God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peace." ;D ;D ;D ;D love stef
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 5, 2005 7:23:59 GMT
Spiritual Jokes ;D
It is a tradition in the US for people to make statements through stickers they stick on their car bumpers. Here are a few funny bumper stickers.
"Procrastinate now"
"My Karma ran over my Dogma!!"
"Never drive faster than your angel can fly!!"
"I'd rather be in Samadhi"
"Out of body. Will be back in 15 minutes!"
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Vegetarians visualize whirled peas" ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by dancingwind on Oct 20, 2005 4:58:18 GMT
Spiritual Jokes ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
The Swiss, as we all know, tend to be placid people. Some go as far as claiming that we are occasionnally somewhat slow. Three Swiss monks of the benedictine order were meditating high in the Alps. Suddenly, a beautiful milk cow walked by. The first monk said : "HHHMMM, this is Fritz's cow, I tell you". Half an hour later, the second monk said : " HHHMMM, really that was Kurt's cow. I'm quite sure". An other half hour later, the third Swiss monk stood up and said "I'm going away, I can't stand you guys having an argument around me when I'm trying to meditate"....
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